giving up my ticket

12.1.15 morning pages
“Our soul is like a soft and gentle flower, it needs to be nurtured, cared for, tended to, with sufficient sunlight, fresh air and freedom to bloom into its most precious and beautiful form. This, my friend, is self-love.”
― Miya Yamanouchi
How will you nurture your soul today?
If R comes home in time I’ll go for an early morning walk. I’m sitting in the sunlight now. I can feel its warmth on my head and shoulders and see its golden glow on my hair.
How will you honor your freedom?
Freedom from R’s business, for starters. I’ve given myself that. I’ve given up my ticket to the R show and he knows it. I’ve told him so and I’ve proven it by snuffing out his drama with a commitment to total non-reaction. I’ve claimed and honored my freedom from hearing about his grandiose escapades, his relationship kerflufles, and, ultimately, his drama laden fall from grace with a small minded, entitled, whiny woman who’s decided that their union is so powerful, so in line with the collective consciousness that they can deceive and betray their current partners and prematurely engage their respective children as part of their courting.
I’m free of her. I’m free of both of them. I’ve successfully stepped out of the show. I hear nothing about her or his dealings with her, professional or otherwise. It’s awkward and uncomfortable at times around the house but there’s a lot more truth in the awkwardness than in the pseudo-relationship we had going for far too long. This is where I am now. I hope it lasts. It’s a good starting point, a jumping off point for bigger, better things. For more freedom.

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